Divorce Sucks, so write your way out of it

Divorce Sucks, so write your way out of it

I had the delightful misfortune of having to go through that human mangle some years back and despite the fact that I have found love the other side of it, the scars still cut deep.

I was hurt, my kids were hurt and my bank balance haemorrhaged faster than the British economy. Uncertainty was the only thing I was certain of and my heart felt like a Premier Division football. I can remember even now the physical pain in my chest, as I ached to be the other side of the proceedings. Physically looking at the paperwork was a daily nightmare and watching the termination of something that should have been good playing out in solicitorial ping pong, grated the tender flesh of my very soul.

I bloody hated getting divorced and yet I wanted it so much – such juxtaposition and so many of my days wastefully lost during the process.

There are several ill advised coping mechanisms often used by people going through this particular living nightmare. They can be indulged occasionally, or to excess, and in no particular order they include alcohol, drugs, chocolate, chips, bitching about it, crying incessantly, staring at the wall, being quiet and retreating from the world, releasing maximum wrath on your ex, smearing them on your social media and using your children as emotional pawns.

Healthier methods include:

  • savouring your immediate moment – squeezing every last drop of joy from seeing a good friend for coffee and a chat, or sitting somewhere comfy and listening to your favourite album with a nice cup of what you fancy.
  • planning for the future – think about all the things you’ll be able to put on your, ‘I Want To Do’ list, like starting night school, or travelling somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
  • finding a support network – there are lots of websites and forums where you can let your hair down properly (under the cover of anonymity if you wish) where you can ask others for inspiration on how to cope with your darkest thoughts.
  • reinventing yourself – in any way you want, from seriously restyling your hair, or changing your wardrobe and not breaking the bank by using your local charity shops. They’ll be delighted to receive your old stuff too.

Getting back on your feet mentally and physically is easier said than done however and if you are going through it right now, my heart goes out to you, particularly if you’re also escaping any form of domestic abuse. My role as Patron of the Women’s Action Network Dorset (the awareness and fundraising arm of the Dorset Women’s Refuge) has exposed me to horrific facts about this vile form of illegal persecution and I take every opportunity to say there are safe places out there and victims can escape, repair and rise again; please visit Women’s Aid and Mankind if this is ringing too many bells for you.

Personally, I found solace writing. Don’t laugh, but writing poetry if you don’t mind! God alone knows where the inspiration came from to start it, but it worked and before I knew it I had enough to fill a book. I wrote Poetry of Divorce for Women and then created a companion journal for men and women to help them get through it called Diary of Divorce. Incidentally, I recently penned the foreword for Divorced and Scared No More by Tasher and Tony Haynes. It’s a seriously fact-packed read and the second instalment of a trilogy assisting readers with post-divorce related matters.

For Women

The first in a series of books on surviving divorce with your sanity and a smile.

Through a sharp and comedic pen, the poems outline everything from the uphill struggles, to the absolute adventures faced by many women, as they attempt to carve a coherent route through the most emotionally and financially draining times. Tracey’s divorce poetry will move you from laughter to tears with truths from several different women’s personal experiences of divorce and offers an honest reflection of common journeys showing you’re not alone. Part of the proceeds are being donated to the West Dorset Women’s Refuge and another Dorset organisation helping women in crisis.

Visit PoetryOfDivorce.com for free daily tips on how to cope with the stress of divorce.

Available as a paperback or an eBook

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For Women & Men

‘Diary of Divorce: for women & men’ is an evocative, emotional, self-help journal; a vital companion for anybody immersed in the madness of divorce. It is designed to help the reader vent frustration, pour their heart out, stay organised and plan a better future, with prompted pages for their journal entries. It is the second in a series of books by Tracey West on surviving divorce with sanity and a smile.

Visit PoetryOfDivorce.com for free daily tips on how to cope with the stress of divorce.

Available as a paperback only

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I know how it feels to be flat broke while the solicitor’s fangs sink ever deeper into your butt, so a few years ago I created an App called the Divorce Coping Tip of the Day. I decided from day one it would be free of charge because it doesn’t matter how much you crave good advice, when you’re brassic, you’re brassic! It’s available from the Google Play Store and I’m chuffed to say it has been the number one App on divorce for a long time. If you need a daily boost, I’ll tell you now, it’s not a How to Hate Your Ex App and it doesn’t blow airy fairy sunshine up your shorts either. It just offers practical and emotional support from a straight talking girl who has been there and I really hope you’ll consider downloading it.

Moreover, I hope that you find some peace and comfort by writing your way out of the darkness and that your journey through divorce is swift; it’s unlikely to be pain free, they rarely are. Believe me my friend, there is light at the end of the tunnel. When you woke up this morning, you were one day closer to your Decree Absolute arriving; then the healing really begins – good luck with it all.